Stay off the grass
Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient‘s dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
2. Fishing for foreign objects
This lady, God love her, was about 68 years-old, 4-foot-nothing and weighed about 400 lbs. What caught my eye was her T-Shirt which had a very disturbing saying plastered across it:
"It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."
Anyway, I took her back to the exam room, did her initial assessment, and asked what we could help her with. She said...and I will never forget...."I have a Kernel down 'there'" I remember thinking to myself she could have not only the "Colonel," but the whole chain of KFC...(I know, shame on me)
She then asked if I wanted to see it..........
"Um, that won't be necessary, Ma'am, just take off everything from the waist down, put this gown on, and the doctor will be in shortly."
I went to the doctors desk...he was a jovial man...and informed him of his next patient...I then whispered to him to take a glance at her T-shirt.
I continued calling back patients and assessing them, when I heard cries of, "Oh, doctor, what are you doing??!! Oh...my" coming from the woman's exam room.
As I went to check, the doctor came out of the room. I asked what happened and the doctor said:
"I guess I fished too deep."
I had to wait a moment to calm my laughter before I went to discharge the woman with a diagnosis of "Removal of Foreign Object."